How Can Buddhist Funerals Help with Grief

Buddhism centre around the belief of impermanence whereby all things in life including life itself is constantly evolving. Nothing stays the same. Death is hence deemed as part of the natural cycle of life and ought to be accepted as it is, without resistance. Buddhist funerals has certain rituals and ceremonies in place that is thought to ease the transition of the decedent’s soul in the afterlife. What a lot of people fail to recognise is that whatever is done at a Buddhist funeral also helps the bereaved family members to process their grief.

Every action that is being done centres on doing good for the soul of the deceased so that the future descendants of the deceased will have good luck. The children of the decedent would appear to be filial when such rituals are being conducted.

In Singapore, with each generation of people stepping up to arrange for the funerals of their loved ones being younger, there are two main groups of people with differing beliefs with reference to arranging for funerals for their loved ones. The first group are those who adhere to traditions imposed from age-old beliefs either due to reverence for the deceased’s soul or fear for offending the older folks in their family, or both. The second group are those who choose to simplify everything else and ignore the customs imposed by traditional beliefs. They choose to only follow rituals they feel are important. Regardless of which group these decision-makers belong to, it can be an extremely therapeutic experience to follow through the funeral rites.

Grief is experienced differently by different people. Coping and healing from grief is never linear and this means that you can feel better one day and worse the next. It is common to feel stuck in this phase where you oscillate between negative and positive feelings. There are five stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance and they do not necessarily happen in chronological order. Having a funeral generally helps bereaved family members ease into the acceptance stage of grief. This can be very helpful in cases where the demise is sudden and unexpected like in instances of suicides and accidents.

Buddhist funerals has elements of doing things for the deceased daily which includes preparing washing water basin and toothbrush for the deceased’s morning ritual as well as preparing food offerings every breakfast and dinner. Lunch is not to be served as it is believed to be left for future descendants. Small gestures like these can be comforting for the bereaved family members as they provide a platform for family members to express their grief in positive ways.

Acts like placing the lotus blanket over the deceased can seem very trivial but to the bereaved family members, it can be the first and last outward act of love towards their mum or dad. Of course, this does not discount the fact that we ought to treat our loved ones better while they are alive and not regret not doing so only when they have passed on.

During the funeral wake, there would be friends and relatives who visit will usually share words of condolences and offer support and this open the doors for communication of grief and seeking of help from the family members. During the funeral wake, due to incoming visitors that helps to keep the bereaved family members busy, there might not be enough time and space to process the emotions.

It is important to set aside some time to process that grief after the entire funeral has been conducted. This can be done in simple ways like writing your thoughts and feelings down on a piece of paper. It is normal to experience negative feelings like despondence and anger especially if the death is unwarranted. Seat with these feelings. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling a certain way even if it feels wrong. Harmony Funeral Care has a grief workbook that you can download for free. This workbook is meant to facilitate your grief journey and contains prompts that helps you with processing your emotions associated with losing someone you love.